So, some stuff has happened - not a great deal, but some, still, and anyway.

I signed up to do a craft fair, and then it got postponed to last weekend because of a fire at the venue, and hardly any customers came, and I sold one keyring, which doesn't even cover my bus fare, and I tweaked my knee carrying all my shit home again. But I am giving them another chance and doing their next fair in about a month and if that is crap then I will stop throwing good money after bad.

My bank account is looking a bit unhappy as I have been spending more money than usual lately - with the craft fair, getting in a bunch of stuff to work on, and a few random bits and pieces, and also with yarn, of course. My stash is increasing because whenever I want something for a specific pattern I seem to wind up buying other stuff as well. I have been knitting a variety of baby stuff - oh, hey! reading back I see that I have not actually posted about that.

My sister is pregnant, due in a little over two months. It is the first spawn of the next generation, so it is all rather exciting and as I say, I have been knitting a bunch of stuff. She was down for work last weekend and has quite the bump, and I have just about got past calling it a parasite.

Also I had one of those moments where you think of the perfect retort ten minutes too late, because she made a comment about me going grey - I have a visible sprinkling, which I find quite amusing, especially being the youngest, and with the whole thing about Katie Holmes going grey when she is like five years older than me and not as 'bad' - and what I should have said is that she'll obviously catch up once she has the kid.

Eh. Stuff.

Oh, and Key - where I go to do the furniture stuff - has lost its NHS funding, which is what pays for me and most of the other clients to go there. So that stops at the end of the year, and since there will only be a few folk still going unless they get a training contract or something, there's a decent chance the whole place will close down. Which sucks, because I like it and it's been really good for me, and... yeah.

Also I have a lump on my finger where I scratched it the other day, except I didn't think I broke the skin so I don't know why it has gone lumpy. Hopefully it will go away by itself but if it gets worse I am totally going to the doctor because it would suck if my finger fell off. Not that that's likely, but, well. Better safe than sorry.
I went to a party held by a guy from Key, and I talked to some people, and one guy was talking to me about Dr Who and said nice things about me and then, and then I went, "shit, he's hitting on me." Because I don't notice things like that, because he's older than me (has a son only eight years younger than me), because I am poorly socialised, because I am reasonably non-sexual and thus expect other people to perceive me that way despite the epic tits.

And it's just going to be awkward next time I see him, whether or not he remembers.

Also I'm hoping not to see the guy who asked me if I'm a dyke. I tried to explain to him that it was not a nice word to use, but, eh. I told him, "sometimes." And a friend of mine told me she pulled him up for that, said it was none of his business and it didn't matter anyway, which was comforting.

He said if his 15-year-old daughter was a dyke, he'd set her straight. And I tried to tell him, y'know, that's not how it works, but... some people, some circumstances, you can't educate. It's not my job to make him listen.

I am still kind of wtf about getting hit on. I mean, work-ish party, ill-advised hookups are, I believe, to be expected, but... but... he's middle-aged! I'm me! What?

ETA: I have hiccups. :(

ETAA: Also he likes Rose, that is totally a valid reason to tell him to piss off, right?
I still exist, btw.

Christmas was pretty good - took the train up to sister's near Aberdeen, which was even prettier than usual due to snow, but the carriage had no heating. Anyway. That happened, and I finished her jumper at around 2a.m. on Christmas Day, and a box from a website with about five presents in didn't arrive until the 29th so I had to go to the shops on the 22nd and get replacements, and such. And I have not actually seen any family yet this year because when Dad came over the other day I was out. Um.

I had an [ profile] edithmatilda for the New Year, that was nice. She brought me presents and made me tea.

On the way back from the shop this evening I saw a fox, it was in a garden and when I stopped to look at it, it just looked back at me for a second then got on with sniffing around the grass.

I have been writing bits of fic for Inception, half of which were written before I had even seen the damn film, and have created a sock-journal for it, because I am made of twitchiness.

Today I applied for a job with the help of a woman at Working Links. And I am guaranteed an interview. Which is vaguely terrifying but distant enough to be no more than that.

Oh! I am apparently dead! At the doctors last week, he tried to take my blood pressure - twice on the left arm, then once on the right, then he got another machine and tried again, and he got an error message each time, so clearly I am some kind of alien being. Or maybe I'm a wizard fucking up technology. That would really suck, actually, I get upset when my internet dies - it did that the other day because I'd accidentally hit the switch for the wireless adapter and I was really twitchy about it.

I am totally not procrastinating the next bit of my stupid WIP. Not at all.
ARGH. So my debit card ran out at the end of November, and while I knew this was going to happen I forgot about it until I tried to use a cash machine a few days into December. A few days later, I managed to get to the bank and stand at the counter for what seemed like a very long time while the woman consulted with other people (she was very nice about it, btw) and found out that apparently another card had been issued two years ago which was why I had not automatically got a new one, because one was still active even though I don't remember ever getting it and never used it, unless they were talking about my credit card which I got about then (but they shouldn't be, surely) and then I got some money and went away to wait. And my card arrived a few days ago.

So today, having just about run out of the money I got that day (and having previously worked through my emergency stash and stupidly not replaced it) I went to the cash machine. It said my PIN was incorrect. Now, the letter with the card said my old PIN would be used unless I requested a new one, so I'm thinking one of two things has happened. 1) the old PIN they copied was from the card that I never used, which may not even exist, or 2) the woman at the bank requested a new PIN and I just haven't got it yet. I pessimistically expect it to be the former, so I am going to go to the bank tomorrow and attempt to wrangle some kind of resolution. Just, just, argh.

And I barely slept last night and I had to wash my hair in cold water this morning because my gas money ran out and I couldn't seem to access the emergency credit even though it said I had some and I've been around people all day and I made a stupid mistake giving money to a shop assistant and and and... and probably dad will be over in a bit unless I call to deter him. And one of the women at Key gave people presents and she gave me a matching hat-and-scarf-and-gloves set, which, meh. She probably bought it before I started bringing my knitting in, which is something, but I like the hat and scarf and gloves I have even though they do not match. And it is really fucking cold outside. And I will go before I find anything else to complain about.
I have curtains that block out the light! This is rather marvellous as I have streetlights right outside. I got the blackout material off ebay, picked it up from the house at the weekend (because I got it sent there by mistake through clicking through paypal too fast, sigh) and this morning I got up and I took the curtains down and I cut bits of material off the roll and then I took them all to Key and I sewed them together and it took like three hours but it got done. Also I now have a few metres spare blackout fabric. Anyone want?

I got a letter from the cooncil saying my housing benefit claim has been rejected because of a system error. I think it is that it is now a month since I first applied and no decision has been made, but that is because I don't have a doctor's letter yet, so once that arrives I will go to the office and go Argh at them.

Um. I'm pretty sure there was other stuff but nothing comes to mind, so.

ETA: I have done accumulated dishes, and put on a load of washing, and I was feeling all domestic and such and then I managed to dribble fruit tea all over the place. What's worse, it's pink. Sigh.
Dad came over to nag again, but for once I do not mind, because he brought me a wonderful magical letter which told me a wonderful magical thing: my appeal is allowed! I am to get money! woot!

Also he was surprised that I own tea - I blamed Mim - and then we made the internet work on the better laptop and then we set up wireless, so now I can sit in bed and have quick internets.

Also my blanket fell down off the side of the bed and he put it back the wrong way up, so the sun-face is upside-down, I will have to fix that.

In distinctly less awesome news, the Housing Benefit people called me and told me to get a letter from my doctor since the letter dad sent them (being as he is my landlord) mentioned my 'condition'. And I still have to give them proof of a bunch of things, most of which I have assembled.

Now I am going away to eat a Pot Noodle, followed by chocolate, and possibly drink a celebratory beer. Yayz.
Today =/= my day.

I failed at getting up early enough to do anything in the daytime. I went to class, but I was late because I moronically missed my stop and then had to wait half an hour for the train back. I tried to do a couple of different things in class and thus did not finish anything, except I fixed a necklace for Maureen (and she was very impressed about it, btw).

And I just tipped about half a pint of water off my bedside table. My bedroom, btw, is full of crap. And also down there is the power block for my 'puter, and such things. So. I had to pick up a bunch of crap, and I binned some of it, which I guess is good, and I found the tweezers I lost a few weeks ago, and the CD I lost a few weeks before that. And a spider.

And while I was rushing out of the room to get tissue or something, I - not wearing jeans - got caught on the plate (where the doorknob catches, y'know the thing) by my knickers.

I would say I'm not planning on moving from my bed, but I was here when I knocked the glass over. So maybe I'll just go to sleep and hope tomorrow works out.
blah blah blah stuff

Wednesday I managed to miss the bus and have to walk home after jewellery class, that was fun, and there was a whole mental conversation which basically put the parentals in a lose-lose situation, so it was probably a good thing they were in bed by the time I got back.

Saturday and Sunday did stuff at the flat, papering walls mostly (this is annoying because it's really a one-and-a-half-person job, at least the way dad does it, and I end up being the half-person and I still manage to do things wrong).

Also on Saturday had great-aunt-ish over (there's a half-relation in there somewhere, but I'm not sure if it's her generation or the one before) because it was her birthday last week (and I don't know how old she is - eighty-some, I think) and there was talking and ugh.

Monday was supposed to go to the flat again. Stayed in bed instead, did not even get up for tea. Nearly waited to eat until they had gone to bed, but I had to wash anyway so I had a shower and when encountered stepmother just went blank, and she didn't try to talk to me, so that was OK.

Tuesday, saw the psycho again, he totally thinks I have daddy issues. And I was saying how I prefer logic to emotion and I don't like talking or even thinking about emotional issues and he said, "this must be very hard for you then," as if it was some kind of revelation and not something I'd told him at least three times already.

And I went to the shop and got an air mattress and a duvet so I can now sleep at the flat if I so choose. I mean, there's not much else I can do there, but sleep is always good.

Also also I went to the flat and I was wet because of rain so I put my jeans on the radiator (hooray for working heating!) and did some paint stripping in knickers & boots, and managed to hit my knee with the hot-air gun, so I have an interestingly shaped burn.
Something has happened - like a leak, or a short-circuit somewhere - which intermittently trips the circuit breaker for the sockets. Which is a bugger, because that's my computer and the internet server, which means I have to go downstairs and flip the switch back up and, y'know, do as much as I can before it flips down again (and I don't like doing it too often, because, y'know, there's a reason it's going down every so often).

Also, I have the sneezums. Sigh.
I am hungry like a hippo but I do not want to eat. Sigh. One slice of toast is totally not enough for lunch. Usually I have the opposite problem, but I will complain anyways.

Should I go out tonight? I have been thinking about it. Hmm. Time + money + effort > satisfaction? Cannot tell. Will decide later.

Bah. Is cold. House is smelly. Stuffs. I dunno.

ETA: Went out for dinner with parentals. Am now comfortably ensconced in room. Nice middle ground, I think.
Fail at life. Am essentially nocturnal. Did not go to metalwork class even though it is a good thing and I had slept lots. Also I have a letter I have not opened yet.

It's hard to find the balance between the fear of doing things and the guilt of not doing them.

I am going to wait until the house is empty, then I am going to get caffeine, and tidy my room. For srs, u guyz! fr srs!
Did you know that slugs can pull in their horns? I think it's a defence mechanism, so you can't tell which end is the important one, and it just looks like a lump of slime. Pretty cool to watch. I discovered as much when I rescued one from the shower. Again.

Meme, kinda. First line of first post of every month this year. A few started with fragments, so I added the next sentence as well.

I dreamed of killing chickens. *dances* I went to choir, it was fun, we went to the pub after and there were people watching boxing because the guy in the dark shorts was a Paisley lad. I just sat on my bed and it went CRACK! because the slat broke. From last week, I liked the scene with Donna's grandfather and mother both looking at the Doctor and going, "it's you!" MOF. Today I did not get up. I couldn't get to sleep so I stayed up. Gah. Knitting something with six colours means *twelve* ends to weave in. !!! But! I!!! Dammit! I haven't seen an actual person in over two days. So, youtube is awesome. Argh. Bit of a hell-week, and all my own fault, as per usual.

Wasn't that fun?

I have to wrap presents and pack my bag - off to sister's in the morning. Will be glad to be out of here.
Argh. Bit of a hell-week, and all my own fault, as per usual. Started out failing to go to shops, get prescription, or do laundry - damn, am out of clean knickers. Gah. Anyway.

Wednesday was worst - I had an appointment with the psychiatrist, and it was goddamn cold so I didn't want to go out, and was running a bit late. At the bottom of the drive I slipped on ice and fell on my arse (to the left.) Then waited at the bus-stop for a good fifteen minutes before realising that, due to roadworks, the bus was not running along that road. Started down to the main road, and called dad, because he was off to do flat-stuff, and luckily he was in the house, so I went back so he could give me a lift, and carefully walked to the wall at the bottom of the drive, and at the very last icy step, SPLAT on my arse (to the right.) Then half-an-hour early at Dykebar, so wandered a bit - looked at boarded-up old buildings, and saw lots of birds, including a robin, and also a squirrel, which was cool. Then talked to man. Ugh. At one point he asked a seemingly innocuous question which left me crying uncontrollably. Then, of course, I got a lift back from dad and concentrated on doing up the bathroom instead of, I dunno, actually talking to him about anything.

Anyway, Thursday was recovery, but that's when I ran out of drugs, so Friday I was shivering in bed until five o'clock when I realised 'oh shit still have to go get prescription and they won't be open tomorrow' so I went down for tea and babbled a bit, and dad went and picked it up for me, for which I was of course grateful, but, but, argh. And this morning I was ready, I wanted to go, so of course he was looking for things, and stopping off at B&Q, and finally we got to the flat and the chemist on the ground floor and I got my drugs and that was good.

And I put filler in the holes in the walls and then I took the tiles off the top of the fireplace with hammer and chisel which was loud and lots of hitting things and that was good. Though I did hit myself a few times, and also slice a knuckle.

When I turned on 'nando he was not happy with me and wanted to do lots of terribly slow scanning things. The one good thing about the intermittent bollocksing of mine 'puter is that it lets me pick up a book once in a while. My birthday present from G (which I only got a few weeks ago, which is why it's still at the top of the pile) was Doctor Who: The Writer's Tale and she said her friend liked it despite not liking Rusty, and I'm finding the same thing, really. Interesting, to say the least; seeing the development of the Kylie episode, for example.

Also I have learned the alphabet in Braille. Optically, of course. Maybe I should try making dents in paper. Was it Jefferson or one of the other presidents who could read Braille? He could sit in a darkened theater and read. And his hands would stay warm under the blanket.
*is sore*

So, I didn't sleep. I moved shit. So now there is a pile of random shite in the hall, most of which is bound for a charity shop but a few items may be saleable; a bag of shoes and clothes in the lounge, ditto; a box of random shite, a few bags of crafty stuff, and several piles of paper in the dining room, and also a guitar and some recorders which are now going to live there instead of beside my wardrobe and under my bed respectively; and a fair amount of random shite, and a lot of books, in my room. I took everything out from under the furniture, and I hoovered (and I now understand why we still have the ratty purple one - it is called Vampyr and it sucks like a demon) and I put some boxes back under the bed - I have all my university notes, and I'm never going to use them, but still... And I looked at some photos and went, shit, I don't remember half these people's names. But the stuff on top of the furniture, which is quite a bit, will have to wait for another time.

My lower back and my thighs hurt. Also my nose, because I've been sneezing a lot.

But that's not the best part of today. Forget the spiders. Forget scraping my knuckles while destroying my old wicker laundry basket. Forget disposing of rotting fruit from the bowl in the kitchen. Forget the science experiment mould in the fridge (which I put in the bin, and poured boiling water into the tub, but hell no, I am not scrubbing that thing). (Actually, last Friday night, I was going to have filled pasta, because there was half a packet left in the fridge, but then I looked at it and said, that's odd, I didn't think it was supposed to be green... oh.) Anyway. Forget all that, because when I came back from the shop this afternoon (catfood and chocolate and cheesecake) I heard a beep.


Sigh. Back is quite ow, really. Silly me with my crappy posture. But my bedroom floor and rug are, like, clean. It's probably the first time that's happened since we moved in.

I am now going to go and take advantage of my last night alone here.
I just encountered another flaw in my room-cleaning-plan. Apart from the fact it's quite behind schedule, and I appear to have enough stuff to spread through the entire house, and such.

I don't like spiders. I'm not terrified, but I don't like them. And the first few I was more or less OK with, they were small and I could ignore them, but the latest was, um, rather large, by house spider standards, and. Yeah. And I don't know where it went, so I'm looking rather suspiciously at the stuff on my floor, which is a random pile which would provide a number of hiding places.

Um. Yeah. Eek. I'm taking a break and trying to forget. Or maybe I'll decamp for a while, there's a whole lot of stuff downstairs for sorting already. But what I really want to do before the parentals return is get everything out - up to and possibly including furniture - so I can hoover and try to plan out the re-installation of stuff a bit better. Of course, I'll probably end up shoving everything back willy-nilly anyway, but still.

Ugh. This was such a stupid idea, I was perfectly happy with my piles upon piles of crap. Or, y'know, not, but at least I didn't KNOW there were spiders.
In a weird display of synchronicity, I was downstairs to keep the cat company, so was watching TV for the first time in several months, and came across a documentary about the guy who invented Earthships. So that was pretty awesome.

Also, I have started on my Plan - the first load of laundry is done, the next is in the machine, and most of the rubbish is out of my room. I am going to move just about everything out tomorrow, including the boxes of crap underneath my bed. The stuff I know I want rid of, be it charity or ebay, goes in the cloakroom; the rest (which will be a vast pile of paper, including books) will go in the dining room. Then on Thursday I can sort through the crap and Friday move stuff back (and possibly a box or three into the garage) in preparation for parentals returning Saturday. It seems like a valid plan but kind of depends on me having energy for the next three days, which, given my habits of self-care, not so likely, but oh well.

Also I went to the dentist today for two more fillings so I was numb and am now a bit sore (which recollection prompted by mention of my crappy habits of self-care; the dentist tells me I ought to floss, but I told him I brush a lot more often than I do, so, I dunno. It's just hard to care about my damn teeth when my brain's such a mess, y'know?)

Also also I just made a punk-ass arm-warmer by ripping out the toe of an old sock; there was already a hole for my big toe. I am considering a gaffer-tape hem... probably I will just chuck it in the recycling in a day or two, but at the moment I'm quite amused.
Gah. Knitting something with six colours means *twelve* ends to weave in. Which kinda sucks. And the next wristband pattern - wait, no, next-but-one - has *seven* colours, hence *fourteen* ends, and I better get fond of weaving in fast or I might never actually finish anything.

Note to self: ...wait, what... oh, proper joins, I think that was going to be. And if I make, maybe, four designs, and then a shop on folksy, and I can just make them to order, because they take a few hours at most.

Today I went to IKEA with the eldest sororal unit and all I bought was biscuits and chocolate, and all she bought was the picture frame she went for and oven gloves (which she needed) so that is totally a win in the distraction stakes (though I did really like this clock... and hey, they make really cheap alarm clocks so you can smash them on bad mornings! awesomes!). Oh, we did sit in the restaurant and have cheesecake and strawberries but that doesn't count.

Now I am going to sleep. Once I wake up I will make my CV as good as I can and actually apply for jobs that I've been stalling on because I won't get them because they're too good, but if I don't even apply then I certainly won't get them so goddammit girlie get on it.
Eff. Eh. Eye. Ell.

I tried to make pancakes. They failed. So I tried little pancakes. They failed too.

I did not get the job I interviewed for. And I have not been applying for jobs. And my CV needs work anyway.

The parentals have been away for a few days, which has been fun - whole house to self! - but which means I have been almost entirely nocturnal and eating crap, which of course doesn't do much for the body or the mind.

I have not yet watched Dr Horrible's Sing-Along Blog but I plan to, sometime in the next day or so while it is still free.

This morning I had a job interview. It did not go terribly but it did not go well and apparently lots of people applied so ho-hum whatever it was practice.

But really. "What personal qualities will you bring to the job?" must be hard enough for people that aren't clinically depressed with chronic low self-esteem.

Also I wore my 'good' shoes and now I have blisters. Again. And my leg still hurts from fucking up at climbing over a week ago. Gaaahhhhhhh hiss spit etc.

Um. Um? Hm.

I just got a sales call for injury cover. That was interesting. And of course it excludes dangerous sports, which would most likely include climbing, which is what hurt me, and it was only a little hurt which would not have got money anyway, and I managed to say No! which, go me!

I am bored and blah yet also awake. Maybe I should have a nap? Or I could play stupid games for a while, that would work.
I just sat on my bed and it went CRACK! because the slat broke. It is where I sit when I am using 'nando, so I suppose it has been under a greater amount of strain than the others. I may re-arrange the remaining slats later - unless, wait, they're tied together, I'd have to cut that up and then re-arrange. Still. Later, if ever.

I can has Moebius scraf! It has a few mistakes in it but nothing huge so that is good. Now I am attempting lace; not too complicated, but a little bit.

The Google April Fool's almost got me - that is, it would have, if my natural response to Anything cool wasn't "are you serious?". Dammit, I wanna go to Mars! I might even commit to having children if it meant I could go to Mars! Damn you, "Virgle Project"!

TW finale last night may have made me cry, just a little. I can't tell whether or not I'm looking forward to DW tonight. I mean, I'm going to watch it, but... oh shit! it's on earlier than I thought it was! So do I run now or leave it for tomorrow?

I've missed nearly half, now, so I think, I think it can wait. Gah.



June 2012

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