Yesterday was my last day at Key Enterprises. It is a charity for people with mental health problems; it provides routine and teaches various skills. I have been going there for a little over two years - during that time I have met quite a few people, learned how to refinish furniture, taught myself pyrography, and improved in terms of mental health. Unfortunately they have lost funding and are closing; I decided not to attend this Thursday as I am going up to Aberdeen, so yesterday was my last day. I gave people cards, and left cards and small presents for the other two still attending my department, who are not in on Mondays. I was given a few cards and a small bunch of flowers, which was very nice. I walked out with two carrier bags full of stuff - books, material, bits of wood; with a stitch-picker in one pocket and a dozen nails in the other. And I knew it was coming but I am still sad and kind of confused.

Today I have been doing very little - I skipped my evening class, again, but I will go back in January and do my best not to miss another time. But this year my present-making has branched out into woodwork, so I have just been doing that, and managed to injure myself. If I had sanded my knuckles, or hit my hand with a hammer, or cut myself with a stanley knife or a saw or whatever, I would not have been surprised. But I cut myself with a drill.

Cut yourself with a drill, you say? How in the world did you manage that?

Well, it was a good drill, and a not-so-good drill bit. I was working on top of a big wooden toolbox, holding the wood in place with my foot (it is a two-handed drill). And as I attempted to drill a second hole right next to the first, the drill slipped, the tip hit the work surface, the bit bent, and as the drill wound down, the tip of the whirling drill bit caught my foot. It bled.

I should have bought myself a vice before I started. Or at least been wearing shoes.
So, some stuff has happened - not a great deal, but some, still, and anyway.

I signed up to do a craft fair, and then it got postponed to last weekend because of a fire at the venue, and hardly any customers came, and I sold one keyring, which doesn't even cover my bus fare, and I tweaked my knee carrying all my shit home again. But I am giving them another chance and doing their next fair in about a month and if that is crap then I will stop throwing good money after bad.

My bank account is looking a bit unhappy as I have been spending more money than usual lately - with the craft fair, getting in a bunch of stuff to work on, and a few random bits and pieces, and also with yarn, of course. My stash is increasing because whenever I want something for a specific pattern I seem to wind up buying other stuff as well. I have been knitting a variety of baby stuff - oh, hey! reading back I see that I have not actually posted about that.

My sister is pregnant, due in a little over two months. It is the first spawn of the next generation, so it is all rather exciting and as I say, I have been knitting a bunch of stuff. She was down for work last weekend and has quite the bump, and I have just about got past calling it a parasite.

Also I had one of those moments where you think of the perfect retort ten minutes too late, because she made a comment about me going grey - I have a visible sprinkling, which I find quite amusing, especially being the youngest, and with the whole thing about Katie Holmes going grey when she is like five years older than me and not as 'bad' - and what I should have said is that she'll obviously catch up once she has the kid.

Eh. Stuff.

Oh, and Key - where I go to do the furniture stuff - has lost its NHS funding, which is what pays for me and most of the other clients to go there. So that stops at the end of the year, and since there will only be a few folk still going unless they get a training contract or something, there's a decent chance the whole place will close down. Which sucks, because I like it and it's been really good for me, and... yeah.

Also I have a lump on my finger where I scratched it the other day, except I didn't think I broke the skin so I don't know why it has gone lumpy. Hopefully it will go away by itself but if it gets worse I am totally going to the doctor because it would suck if my finger fell off. Not that that's likely, but, well. Better safe than sorry.
So, on Saturday, I abseiled off Finnieston Crane, which is a Glasgow landmark, and pictures exist. Apparently I really ought to set the calendar on my camera. Hmm. Anyway, it was scary but fun and I raised £117 for a couple of worthy charities (which are not actually my favoured charities but clearly have epic fundraisers). I did fall on my arse when I reached the bottom, because my legs were not sure about holding me.

Um, I have not been posting much. For a while I was posting updates for teh nos' while she was in hospital, and I was visiting a lot. My life has not been tremendously happening. I have a couple of epic bruises on my leg right now, one from a flippy seat on a bus and one from tripping up some metal stairs.

Tonight I had my first pottery class! It was mostly demonstrations, in the end I made three tiles and I will paint them next week, probably. I will try and have a go on one of the wheels next week as well, it looks tremendous fun if quite difficult.

Also I had a go at making paper today, I will not know how it has worked until the pieces dry, which they are doing at the moment.

Um. Yeah.
*flails quite a lot*

I made a folksy shop and I just put stuff on it after fiddling with pictures for hours. Still have not sorted my thumbnail out, oh well. Um. Yes. And of course the stuff there is not nearly as cool as the stuff I have been doing at Key, and, and, and I'm considering booze to make me pass out because I'm all twitchy now and I really ought to sleep, I have to be somewhere this afternoon.

*twitch*

The name was the product of late night and booze, actually, that was last week. I am only putting up stuff now because I told familials I'd made it and I'm seeing psych-man today (assuming I make it... dammit I will I will I've done this now). Argh. The selling thing is so not me.
Since I last posted I have:

posted a fic here.

got new glasses - my prescription had changed, and I got to do the flashy-lights field-of-vision thing which I never had to do before, that was exciting.

bought two bras! It took me ages to get round to it but I was actually down to only one that fit. The whole thing was actually surprisingly painless.

bought a new laptop, which was just last night, actually, I have been poking at ebay for while and finally picked a T60 ThinkPad (I am currently using a T23, and it has been irritatingly slow and does not do DVDs or have a touchpad).

posted some pyrography pictures here.

Actually I have bought quite a lot of stuff recently, I realised money was building up in my account and went, hey! I could actually buy things! So, some books, and a hat, and some crafty stuff. Quite a bit of crafty stuff, actually, I have a whole pile of stuff waiting to be burned on. Oh well what the hell.
Seem to be coming down with a minor plague. Sigh.

Am now doing three days a week at Key. Am a bit worried my dept will run out of things for me to do and I'll get turfed over to put things in folders one day a week, or something. Maybe I will start taking in my own projects on Fridays.

Had dinner with parentals, it was surprisingly painless - I guess it is easier to tolerate the blah-blah-blather when it is not every day.

Next-door-neighbour's loud girlfriend is visiting. She is American - I know this because I can hear her through the walls. And he seems to use some sleep-music, or something - I've heard it a couple of times, just the top notes coming through, which means it's repetitive and irritating and if I'm trying to get to sleep at three a.m. I need to get some white noise going to block it. At first used radio tuned to static, but this site is useful; I like the brown noise best.

I have not been knitting since I finished the bloomers - I am going to pick one of my yarns out of the stash and find something to make with it.

But right now I am going to attempt sleep.
Earlier, I went through my post for the last, uh, two or three weeks, which is not much, but included train tickets for Monday, a bill I'd forgotten about, a letter for a neighbour, a threatening note from TV Licensing and a cold weather payment (woot!). Then Dad came over and took me out for a pint.

craftinesses - chainmaille and pyrography )

Also I have been taking pictures. Not many, and generally not when people are around, but still. There was something about shame-reducing exercises in a self-help book I read recently, and I think photos could work for that, maybe. Maybe. I should not be embarrassed about taking photos even if it is of random things; people seem to think I am artistic, I can totally pretend.

Also I have strimmed my hair again.
I realise this is terrifyingly anal of me, but does anyone know the 'authentic' spelling of the first line of To A Mouse? I plan on burning it into a bowl and now I am having conniptions, mostly over cowran vs cow'rin. I've just about decided I prefer sleeket to sleekit. But things may still change. The bowl, y'see, is kind of lumpy, and one lump looks rather like a mouse-face, so that, just sketched out, and then a few stems of wheat-ish-stuff, and the quote running round the rest of it. I think. Ho-hum.

Also I am looking for a quote on touch; frustratingly, a simple search leads mostly to quotations about 'a touch of genius' or the like, instead of the tactile sense. Oh, now I am finding tantric ones, that's helpful; well, closer, but not exactly acceptable.

On the way home, thinking about mirrors (seeing myself and not instantly recognising; the mirror self; that syndrome from that CSI ep with the woman who did not recognise her own reflection; you can touch the mirror but not the mirror self; oh yeah, cats get confused by that all the time) - I was working on one, and walked past a couple.

Also composing philosophical bullshit about the fascination of change to excuse my taking pictures of a demolition site; also the role of photographer as historian rather than artist.

Also now I really ought to sleep as have been awake for over 21 hours. Silly me.
At Key I have been burning things, also known as pyrography; I am not very good at it. One of the guys complimented my work, and asked how I could say (as I had earlier) that I wasn't artistic; but I'm a perfectionist.

I have missed both the Friday choir rehearsals so far, mostly out of apathy. They will not kick me out, though, because they are pretty short on tenors. On the way to rehearsal last night I saw a fox, pretty much in the middle of town. It was pretty cool, ran out of a side street just in front of me and trotted across the road.

I have been watching quite a lot of telly - iplayer, downloads, etc. Most of it has at least been semi-decent; but I did at one point watch Antiques Roadshow out of desperation for distraction. I tried to tell psych-man how much of me is distraction but I'm not sure how well it got across. Maybe I should take knitting to a session.

ETA: I have bought train tickets for my holiday, and ordered a new simcard as the company my phone is on has been taken over or some shit, and I've been getting texts about it for, um, a while now. I should probably look into prices but I have been organised enough for today, I think. I have done dishes and everything.
Today at Key I was the Only Person In My Department as the bossman is off on holiday. So the boss from woodwork kept looking in on me, and showed me how to use the spray gun, which was good fun. (The Spray Booth is... not exactly forbidden territory, but there's no reason to go in there unless you are spraying something, and only the bosses tend to do that.) And I got to play my own music instead of Smooth Radio, hah.

I got five different white-ish/yellow-ish goopy/runny/sticky substances on my hands, at least two of which are "avoid contact with skin". That does not include snot, which was successfully contained in a number of tissues. My back is not very happy with me, as I was working on the demon desk (which is very nearly finished!) and thus bent awkwardly a fair amount of the time. It is bloody annoying working on something wobbly, even though it is not nearly as wobbly as it was the first day I sanded it.

That is all that is happening with me right now.
I have not gone to choir because I am coughing and sneezing and do not want to infect people. This is the fourth rehearsal I have missed so technically I am supposed to talk to, um, someone, to let me be in the concert after missing so many; but I am a tenor and they've been begging for more of us so I doubt it'll actually be an issue. (I missed one out of not realising it had started, one out of laziness, and one out of sleeping through it. Yes, it is an evening rehearsal.) I have been awake all day, it is terrible.

I have read three of my library books, here are a few comments.

The Subversive Stitch: Embroidery and the Making of the Feminine by Roszika Parker. Read more... )
The Archimedes Codex by Reviel Netz and William NoelRead more... )
Normal by Amy Bloom Read more... )

I went to psych-man today, it was not bad, but sometimes I feel like we are repeating outselves; and just because I know something intellectually does not mean I believe it, and he seems to expect otherwise, which is just silly. Some interesting thoughts about self-narrative, how I represent myself as opposed to how others experience me, etc. And I was on time, for once.

Ugh, I have been awake All Day (since before nine in the morning!) and my nose is sore and my throat is tickly and my Lemsip is three years expired, I don't know how that happened. ETA: Now I have run out of tissues. Sigh.
Would anyone like a green jewellery box? Quite old dark-green velvet interior, recently stained green exterior. It has been one of my projects at Key and they said I can have it but I already have jewellery boxes.

I am putting off going to sleep because I have psychotherapist tomorrow. Do Not Want.

I went to the library on the way home to print out a pattern for a woman at Key; I came out with five books. Surprisingly, all non-fiction. One knitting, one self-help, one historical/mathematical, one gender issues and one feminist perspective on the history of embroidery. And one or two bits of info that may be worth following up on; a lecture and a competition.

This morning I nearly went back to bed; I'm kinda glad I didn't. But I didn't want to get up - snooze button like whoa - and I knocked down my glasses and the lens popped out, and then my shoelace broke. And I got the bus into the centre instead of walking because I was running late, and then I actually walked into someone - I thought he was stepping forward and he was stepping back - and then getting off the bus, the driver didn't notice me and I had to say something. And I'd actually been thinking as I walked to the front that something like that happening would just confirm that I should have stayed in bed. Sigh. But a somewhat cute guy on the bus asked me the time, that was ok.

Urgh. OK. Sleep time now. Or at least lie-down-and-close-eyes, because they are not optimal.
Today I left the house and ate with familials, it was actually quite nice. Then I went to shops and could not get the music I wanted (so have ordered off internet and paid for fast delivery) (and did not impulse-buy a treble recorder and music, but have now bid on ebay for same) and bought (only) two balls of yarn (Debbie Bliss cashmerino chunky in dark grey) (but there was an awful lot of Donegal Tweed in the bargain bin, I wonder...)

Also I have offered a thing I knitted on help_haiti, here. Oddly scary.

Um, stuff. I have been sleeping too much and not eating enough actual food. But my drains are still working, so that's something.
So, Christmas has been and gone. I have been online a fair amount but not talky. Stuff. Sleep patterns non-existent, being around people, etc.

Day was nice; am at sister's house, were five of us (two sisters plus husbands) now other sister and hubby have returned to Aberdeen; I am going home tomorrow. Dad visited unexpectedly on Christmas day, which was good because I sent most of my presents home with him, including the ironing board.

Have taught both sisters basic crochet, and cramped up my hand doing crochet all day, because I'm not that used to it, but I do seem to have developed a smooth motion, and now I have made a hat.

I just started looking at job stuff again ten minutes ago and already I feel like shit. "But what do you really want to do?" asked the woman at the job centre, and I looked at her blankly. What do you mean, 'want'? What do you mean, 'enjoy'?

I would talk to my psychiatrist about it but I now haven't seen him in five weeks, only two of which were my fault. I don't know if I'm supposed to go this week but I'm going to assume not. And he'd just ask how it made me feel, anyway.

:(
Ohhhh, I am baking and now the whole place smells like chocolate and I can't even eat it when it's done because it's for a 'tree-decorating party' tomorrow at parentals. It could be crap, because it's a new recipe I'm trying and the measurements were in american, but, but, it sure smells goooood. Dammit.

Laa was over earlier and then we went to hers and watched Sweeney Todd, it was dead good (boom boom).

If I have time in the morning I will make icing. I am not sure what time I am supposed to go over, I think one o'clock-ish is probably reasonable. Man, it really smells good in here. Damn.

ETA: wait, holy shit, it's quarter to four, I totally gots to sleep now. Anyway, I just made chocolate icing and applied it, and put some dark chocolate sprinkles on top, and now I am licking the bowl, having already licked the spoon and the little bits I dropped. It is very sweet but the cake batter was not, so I'm hoping it'll work out. Mmm, chocolatey.
Yesterday I failed to get up in time for psycho-appointment. And I was lazy for the rest of the afternoon, but did stuff in the flat in the evening.

Today I climbed far too many stairs. I went into Glasgow to go to Bairds and buy stuff for jewellery class, and it is on the fifth floor and there is a lift but it is an old-fashioned one with a man in it and that is scary so I took the stairs. I peched quite a bit. I am totally not as fit as I used to be. Also I went to John Lewis and got buttons and stuff to finish a garment, and they cost more than the wool did. Quite a bit more, iirc.

And I gave money to a busker because she was an old lady playing accordion. This is one of those things I get all awkward about - one of the many - but I did and I smiled at her and it was fine and sometimes I have to note these things so I remember I am capable of them.

I keep forgetting how long the bus takes from Glasgow, it is over half an hour. Sigh. But I had a good book that brother-in-law lent me and I just started today and may finish today or tomorrow. It is a fantasy novel called "The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss and I am about a third of the way through it, and like it quite a lot.

And I went to class and made some earrings (which I have since given to Maureen as something of a peace-offering) and repolished my cut-out and reformed my ring which had been squashed and made a chain of five jumprings without any of them sticking together and did a bit more of my spoon. Also I broke an earring post and melted one of the earrings and left little bits of silver caked into the block. And I was putting things in the 'pickle' - a weak acid - and I leaned against the edge of the box it is in and so my purple t-shirt now has pink lines across my boobs. I am thinking I will play with bleach and make it look intentional, but dammit I liked that t-shirt. Ho-hum.

And I helped a woman with the ticket machine at the train station.

So I feel like I have achieved today. Go me!
To the tune of a certain Ramones song...

"The DWP took my money away
They took it away
Away from me."

Bastards. Got the letter as I was going out the door to go to class, will make calls and try to do stuff tomorrow. Argh.

Class not great either, doing fiddly things, and I managed to burn my finger. Ow.

On the way home, though, I saw a frog. I nearly stepped on it. And there were about a dozen snails hanging out on the pavement, and they were quite big ones, too, and I stroked one just to see it pull its head back in.
Grrrrrrr. I reached the end of the repeats on my scarf-thing, and a few rows later realised I'd lost a stitch somewhere, because the new pattern didn't fit right. So I unknitted a row, and counted. And another row. And I hadn't found the stitch. So I diligently counted along the row, section by section, and I found where the problem was, and then I followed it down the rows to see where it appeared. It showed up about sixty rows ago. Which is about a fifth of the scarf and way too much for me to be arsed to unravel. Sigh.

Also I really ought to be sleeping because I have to get up tomorrow but I am procrastinating instead. I will finish these next few rows then put my knitting in my bag for tomorrow and go to sleep. Yah.
I am returned in my haus after long time on buses. I am eating ice-cream. Mmm, ice-cream.

While at Miriam's, I:
slept a lot
watched snooker
watched other tv
played with clay
ditto paint
read a bit
knitted a bit
petted the cat.

I think that is a perfectly respectable list of activities.
This afternoon I went to the intimidating shop in Glasgow and it was not as intimidating as I thought it would be but it was behind a big black door, and there was a huge bumblebee buzzing about inside. And I climbed five flights of stairs to get there because there were people in the lift. I had to go this afternoon because class was tonight.

I went with [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj to class and we played with copper and fire and acid and made rings. There was lots of sanding also which was not so fun. Apparently we will be doing set projects most of the time and our own stuff the last week or two. Oh well.

On the way home I saw two foxes. The first was at the station while we were waiting for the train - it ran down from our side, further down, then jumped down and ran across the tracks and jumped up again, where it paused a little before running on. The second was just down the road, as I was walking from the bus stop to my house - I saw it finish running across the road, sneak through someone's wrought-iron gate and run up the drive, at which point I was about level and stopped to look at it, and it stopped to look back at me, and we just looked at each other for about half a minute, then it ran on. I think foxes are awesome.

Now I am going to read for a bit, then I am going to pack my bag for going to see [livejournal.com profile] edithmatilda tomorrow. And then I am going to sleep, because I have to get up in the morning to catch the first of three buses. Ho-hum.

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