(no subject)

I despise myself.

I got my stepmother to call the doctor's for me because I am scared of the phone. She found out I have to go in one morning to get forms. I was going to go this morning. I got up and everything.

Uh. Yeah.

And I can't be arsed moving so I'm going to leave the optician's till Monday as well. Even though I've now been putting that off for a week.

I just. Am crap and useless.

And of course at dinnertime I'll have to attempt to explain to the parentals that no, I didn't go even though you organised and nagged and encouraged but I really will go on Monday cross my heart etc. Dammit.

They're normals. They just don't get it. It's not their fault. It's one of those basic lack of comprehension things - half of you lot know exactly what I'm talking about because you've done it yourself, so I can just say, "agh, scared," without going into the whole people issue and the energy required to get myself out of the house and so on so forth.

Agh. Aghity agh agh.

Fuck it. Fic.

(no subject)

Paternal just yelled a bit. I told him I didn't leave the house, he asked why, I said, "I'm crap and useless," he said, "you're not, you're just bad." And started on about how I'd arranged to do this and not doing it was impolite and I had to do this and I just had to get it done. And he'd offered to ring me - at which point I told him I'd been awake, I just hadn't gone - and he ranted a bit more.

Knowing it's going to happen doesn't exactly make it feel better.

Crap, useless, etc.

Evil!fic divergences are still going. Is only a couple thou, but I have no dedication. Will get them done tonight and unlock the entry.