kbk | (no subject)

I mostly failed at sleep last night and I have to get up in the morning to get a train to go to sister's for long weekend. ugh. Also I have not yet packed or anything. But I have washed my hair (for the first time in, um, at least a week, yuck (but it's cooooooold, dammit, whyfor I wanna get nekkid? and then have wet hair?)) and I have a list. And, um. There was something else I did, I think. Hmm.

I've spent a few hours at the parental's project flat this week, stripping wallpaper. It's looking more and more like I might end up living there, which would be awesome, though only marginally less pathetic than living here. Also it is low-pressure time spent with paternal which is good (mostly for keeping him off my back the rest of the time). Though we were talking about job-hunting which was depressing - he was made redundant a few years ago and applying for jobs "every single day" and it took him a year and. aggggghh. I think I ought to give him my report from the work psychologist to read, which basically says I shouldn't worry about work until I'm less mental. But, hello, awkward conversation number seventy-three! ugh ugh agh.

Dammit. Totally gonna turn the 'puter off and sort myself for the morning. Right.

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Gave paper to parentals and told them did not want to talk about it. And ran away and am hiding.

Today I went to Dykebar and spoke to a man; it was weird, as such things are; aaaaaaaaaaagh why i do this to self; agh.

That seems reasonable to me. Sitting waiting for them to look at it would be a bit fraught and awkward for everyone and also it is in itself a useful explanation of why you might hand it over and run away. Useful, that.

You do not do it to yourself, the Smurfs do it to you. I am getting a weird thing lately where bits of mad sort of separate themselves out and I look at them and say Who are you? and they say I'm your weird living arrangements or I'm a bit of childhood that makes you scared to express opinions, and I am surprised to find that they are not just bits of me and even more surprised to find that there is a me left. I should draw this as stick figures in order to make it more real, I think. But anyway, a surprising number of things turn out to be Smurfs all along. That is their evil power.