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Fuck.
I have piles of things that I have to sort out. I've done fuckall all day.
And now there's this message in my inbox telling me that there are lots of teacher-in-the-community places going. But. oh god. I could but I can't but I could but I can't.
Suddenly I feel like I have this choice. Like I'm at a fork in the road. I can go for one of these places, and probably get it, because I have the relevant experience and history with the organisation. Or I can stay here and join the psychotherapy group for at least a year and maybe sort my head out.
And I want, I want, I want to be sane. I do.
On the one hand, it's Renfrew and living here versus exotic-locale and feeling useful. But on the other hand, it's potentially sorting out my head and thus being able to become an adult who lives like a regular human being versus a half-assed gap-year-type-thing which is something I've already done and will only put me further in debt.
And oh, crap, paternal just came in and I agreed to go on a walk with him tomorrow, so I should sleep very soon. But he didn't notice that I'm tearful because my hair now covers my eyes. Score.
God, I don't know what to do. I don't. Because there's everything that made me debate doing it the first time and it's just all so much worse now and I don't know what to do.
So I'll sleep on it. Maybe flip a coin if I haven't decided by, say, Sunday. Because as soon as the coin's in the air, you know which way you want it to come down, don't you?
I have piles of things that I have to sort out. I've done fuckall all day.
And now there's this message in my inbox telling me that there are lots of teacher-in-the-community places going. But. oh god. I could but I can't but I could but I can't.
Suddenly I feel like I have this choice. Like I'm at a fork in the road. I can go for one of these places, and probably get it, because I have the relevant experience and history with the organisation. Or I can stay here and join the psychotherapy group for at least a year and maybe sort my head out.
And I want, I want, I want to be sane. I do.
On the one hand, it's Renfrew and living here versus exotic-locale and feeling useful. But on the other hand, it's potentially sorting out my head and thus being able to become an adult who lives like a regular human being versus a half-assed gap-year-type-thing which is something I've already done and will only put me further in debt.
And oh, crap, paternal just came in and I agreed to go on a walk with him tomorrow, so I should sleep very soon. But he didn't notice that I'm tearful because my hair now covers my eyes. Score.
God, I don't know what to do. I don't. Because there's everything that made me debate doing it the first time and it's just all so much worse now and I don't know what to do.
So I'll sleep on it. Maybe flip a coin if I haven't decided by, say, Sunday. Because as soon as the coin's in the air, you know which way you want it to come down, don't you?
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