(no subject)

Yesterday would have been my mother's fifty-fifth birthday. Eldest sororal and I went to the cemetery after dinner, and there was hugging and crying and "it's not fair". Which it isn't, because she was older when mum died than I am now, and she was older when gran died than I was when mum died, and I do that maths as a matter of course but then... meh. And I was there. They were at uni while she was ill, and after she died, and I was in all the same places.

I found the grave, because I'd visited once after the interring. Paternal still hasn't got round to getting the inscription done, so I'm going to see what needs to be done because it's been five damn years.

A bit later she drove me to the 24hr supermarkt to get ice-cream. They had a fairly pathetic selection - only one flavour Ben and Jerry's, I didn't see any Haagen-Dazs - ended up with a big tub of Mackie's. Honeycomb, which is lovely, but I'd really wanted chocolate. I'll probably go round to Tesco in the afternoon. We'll see.

Am currently drinking really nice vodka and coke, because it's made with Absolut Citron so the citrus masks the alcohol... maybe it's just because I'm used to low-quality vodka - I finished the bottle a couple of days ago, which means I went through two-thirds of a bottle in a couple of weeks, I think, which I suppose is not unreasonable.

It was a long and twisting train of thought that led me to remembering mum's birthday - I was thinking about abortions, because I'd been looking at metaquotes, and that led to something in my diary, and I was making a list of why I would probably have an abortion if I discovered I was pregnant right now, which I'm not, but. um. and then I thought of her. and then I remembered the date. and then I took sleeping pills and a cipramil, washed down with a Smirnoff Ice - the "new crisp taste" isn't very nice, I don't think - and put on music to lull me to sleep. So I need to get more sleeping pills as well. They're just shitty little shop-bought, but if I take three instead of the one or two they say, they seem effective.

Ah yes. Sororal, her fiance, and the boy are all playing my addiction now - I pimp! heh!

I'm sure there was something else. Dammit.

I'm gonna go sleep soon.

(no subject)

Note to self: never do that again. In the evenings, at least nice ones like this, the road to Tesco is fraught with children and teenagers. And I was wearing a mismatched freak of an outfit. Just got looks, mostly, and one boy asked for my number. Came back with chocolate, mango sorbet and shitty alcopops. And a bag for life because the ones they had have leaves on and are quite pretty, I think, and it's only the second one I have.

Mmm... mango.