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May. 16th, 2009 09:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kbkThey've gone shopping, I think, and I breathed a sigh of relief when they left. I didn't sleep - I tried, but I was hungry so I got up and ate and then I was awake and then I realised I'd probably get woken up this morning and I may as well just push on through. But that's not why I'm posting. It's yet another complaint about her.
She talks a lot. Like, a lot. It's practically a family joke, that she talks a lot. I was sitting here reading and I could hear her talking in their bedroom and it really...
I don't know why it pisses me off so much. I mean, I'm fairly sensitive to sound, I guess: when there's noise, I listen, and when it sounds bad, I wince. I've never been fond of high noises, so when she reaches screech-point, that's no fun, but that doesn't happen very often. And I don't like yelling, which she also does on occasion; I don't like when people fight, even a little, and I don't know where that's from but it may well be fear of my own temper.
(A little while back, I wanted to scream. I was alone in the house, probably no neighbours, nobody to hear, and I was messed up and wound up and I wanted to scream. And I couldn't. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. Because I'm just so used to holding it all back that I don't know how not to any more.)
I'm still all kinds of pissed off and twisted up about mum dying and that's probably what's really feeding this.
Also, I don't have much patience and I don't like intrusion on my space, be it physical or aural or freaking psychic. I like comfortable silences and desultory chats and not having to listen to a ten-minute dissertation on subjects I could not possibly care less about, complete with repeats and banal tangents.
I learned, at some point, not to interrupt people. I used to be such a show-off, because I was smart and I knew it and I wanted everyone else to know it as well; I still would be if I had anything left to be proud of. But I got the message that you let other people talk first. So maybe the real problem is that with all this talking she's doing... when the hell do I get to speak up?
She talks a lot. Like, a lot. It's practically a family joke, that she talks a lot. I was sitting here reading and I could hear her talking in their bedroom and it really...
I don't know why it pisses me off so much. I mean, I'm fairly sensitive to sound, I guess: when there's noise, I listen, and when it sounds bad, I wince. I've never been fond of high noises, so when she reaches screech-point, that's no fun, but that doesn't happen very often. And I don't like yelling, which she also does on occasion; I don't like when people fight, even a little, and I don't know where that's from but it may well be fear of my own temper.
(A little while back, I wanted to scream. I was alone in the house, probably no neighbours, nobody to hear, and I was messed up and wound up and I wanted to scream. And I couldn't. I opened my mouth and nothing came out. Because I'm just so used to holding it all back that I don't know how not to any more.)
I'm still all kinds of pissed off and twisted up about mum dying and that's probably what's really feeding this.
Also, I don't have much patience and I don't like intrusion on my space, be it physical or aural or freaking psychic. I like comfortable silences and desultory chats and not having to listen to a ten-minute dissertation on subjects I could not possibly care less about, complete with repeats and banal tangents.
I learned, at some point, not to interrupt people. I used to be such a show-off, because I was smart and I knew it and I wanted everyone else to know it as well; I still would be if I had anything left to be proud of. But I got the message that you let other people talk first. So maybe the real problem is that with all this talking she's doing... when the hell do I get to speak up?
