Squee. Ubersquee.

Y'all know I've been freaking out about uni, well, mostly I've been hiding my head in the sand. This morning I looked at my emails - just before going to group, as well - and found that a big deadline for everything was yesterday. I was a mess. Then I went to get on the bus and he didn't have change of a tenner - for a £2.30 ticket, btw. Whateva. Tears, freaking, walk to the shop and buy drinks, chocolate etc, do bus, subway, realise cannot remember name of a street have been coming to once a week for a good few months now, freaked some more, group was meh and I was 'not wearing that composed mask' which made me feel like Spock or something. A.Ny.Way.

Finally got round to seeing the guy at uni. He was nice. He was really nice. And he said it would be fine and he'd say to the exam board and I'd get new deadlines. And that letter I got from my doctor months ago for stupid disability services - which, genius that I am, I photocopied - would be really helpful in doing so.

So. I am happy. I am really feeling So So Much Better. This morning I was planning on running off to be an HGV driver. I was thinking of cons to get me and Mim a council flat together but then I realised that couples are supposed to share a bedroom and that might defeat the point a little.

Oh, I'm going to have a headache soon. But. Oh. Yes.

And now I am going to go over to Laa's and meet the new rat.
Oh, boy. It's supposed to be between four and five thousand words. I don't even have a tenth of that. I'm halfway into an all nighter, I have no inspiration, and I don't even give a shit.

I'm. How am I supposed to write a report? I looked at lots of pictures, I read a couple of books, I put a few bits together. That's all I did. I'm supposed to write about that, in, what, third-person objective? wtf?

And this is why I should have been working on this long long before now. Thankfully I have found my athens password, which might help.

Also, toygers. Too cute.

ETA: oh god, why am I so fucking useless I can't even do anything until just before due... Aargh.
One of my classes today was Computer-Mediated Communication, and because I am interested I have already done the minimum reading for next Friday. I actually found myself contributing to the discussion this morning, which was really cool.

We talked about what CMC covers, obviously - internet and the various modes therein, but also mobiles, etc. Then blather about CMC )

Also, because I mentioned it in class and I can't remember what it's called... Does anyone know the short story - I'm about 70% sure it's by Ray Bradbury - in which a guy is arrested, or maybe committed as a headcase, because he rebels against the culture of constant communication, and he sets off a device on a bus to stop everyone's mobile phones, and watch-communicators, and such, and the last paragraph is a lot of repetition of "watch phone other watch other phone computer watch phone other watch other phone computer..." or something like that? oh bounteous flist...

Now I am going to put sheets on my bed and go to sleep and tomorrow I will work on that shitty shitty report. Dammit.
Well, my placement is done, and my mentor gave me chocolate, so that was nice and obviously I did not fuck up too badly. However the stuff I said I would email her is not done yet, and the report due on Monday (4-5000 words) is not even started yet.

I have mostly been sleeping. I am back to getting-up-at-teatime. But today I did get up and go to group. And that happened. And I picked up a few more assessment "feedback" things and have not yet been disqualified from the MSc, and I know what classes I'm in... ooh, should check timetables. One of them is rather vague and woolly and "discussion-based" so that should be exciting and I will probably fail miserably but oh well. Oh, bugger, I have nines. I only have two days a week but they are both nine-to-five, with varying time in the middle. Typical.

OK, to hell with work, I am too muzzy to do anything anyway. I am going to read porn and I am going to sleep. Tomorrow I will wake up and caffeinate and write like a mad thing. No, really. Tomorrow I'll do it. I swear.
I am alive. I am yawwwn. Have done two 'days' of placement though today was like three hours because I had group and yesterday was only introductory but tomorrow I will be doing stuff and then I am off on the music society weekend thing - ooh, forgot to remind parentals, will email - which should be um well yes.

Placement quite cool - am at the Mitchell, most of the time - got a tour round the back rooms - omg so many books I want to live there forever - it's probably worth going on one of the public tours if you're ever around Glasgow at the right time - usually the first Tue of the month, I think, but that could be bullshit. Anyway! Coolness. Tomorrow will be at Hillhead - busiest library in Glasgow, possibly Scotland - and may well end up doing some counter work as well as stock stuff. Next week helping set up for the opening of the new section of the Mitchell - new entrance and cafe and lending section, they have these curvy shelves and stuff, it's rather cool, and my mentor is the person who is running around being organisational and working lots of overtime. And then there's my project, which is a local history thing for Partick, and I will probably ramble about that a lot once I'm started on it.

Group today, I was late because am suck and also because of snow. There was a mention of a thing and I said that I identify more as neuter than female - or, female not feminine, or something - and then I was thinking about that. Because it seemed odd, since I'm feminist and I go on about my boobs and my mooncup and all this and I have pretty dresses sometimes. But then I realised that those might be in reaction to me feeling like I'm "bad at being a woman" - that I reiterate my biological femaleness because I am not confident in my cultural femininity - that I am defiantly female - that it is not something which is natural for me but is a conscious choice on my part - that sometimes I go a bit over the top. Which is why I'm using my tits icon.
You can tell how desperately I'm procrastinating by the fact that I cooked actual food - spaghetti puttanesca, or a variant thereof.

You can tell how mad I am by the fact that this was a recipe I got from a Giles/Oz fic.

I mean, I've had something similar before. And it wasn't so much a recipe in the fic as a very brief description. But. Anyway.

I'm going to learn quantum mechanics now. Honest.
Had first exam. Think passed. May not have. But think did. Hooray.

Went to doctor. Doctor gave me enough venlafaxine for the summer. 21g of it, sitting in my drawer... enough to overdose seriously on, though the webpage I saw had only a couple of fatalities from venlafaxine - but then it is only ten years old, and it might well have been old figures. Oh, but: "Venlafaxine adversely effects sleep by decreasing REM activity and decreasing sleep efficiency and continuity." Ignoring the incorrect English... half my problem, when I went to the doctor, was that my sleeping patterns were fucked. Excuse me while I look at the quoted sentence and raise my eyebrows...

Anyway... really ought to study. Will. Later.
Last night I went to the ball. Well, the astrosoc dinner-dance - near enough. I wore my bridesmaid's dress - deep blue ballgown - and nice underwear just because. And I was expecting to have to make small-talk (or not) with people I vaguely knew, but a couple of girls I'm quite friendly with showed up. And the food was all right. But my feet hurt because I'd walked there in my heels, which was, quite frankly, a damn stupid thing to do, and gave me blisters. Then there was ceilidh dancing, and I danced nearly all of the dances, with a few different people, and wore myself out quite well. And there was 'disco' which was also quite fun, and I stayed up for most of that too. Then I walked home in bare feet, which hurt, but not as much as the shoes would have. But today my calves hurt like bitches because I haven't been that active in a while. And they were all right as long as I kept moving but then I sat down, and when I got up again they just screamed at me. So. Fun.

Um. Need sleep. Very much so. And, um. Hmm. May be dropping a module. Don't know. Should attempt to catch up on work for other modules over this weekend anyway. Ought to do some work this evening. Severely doubt will. Bugger.

Ow. I hurt. And may actually go to bed at some point fairly soon. Know not.
[livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj decided to see if Julian/Judas ("that would be amazing," she comments, "Julian/Judas fic." Oh dear.) could swim. So put hamster in sink. In small amount of water. And could swim. And was very swiftly removed. We dried hamster with hair-dryer.

Have been reading excessive amounts of Good Omens fic, and now some L/G as well because of a recs page. Um. I have a lecture at ten, and I'm supposed to go to a meeting of my tut group at eleven (and we assign the marks for this thing between us - well, we get a percentage then divide it by four (as it is worth 25% of total for course - i.e. if group gets 80, then each gets 20), or divide it differently (i.e., for 80, two get 25 and two get 15), and they all know what a useless fuckup I am but I think - hope - that they're too nice to do anything but equal marks. But then T has done unbelievable amounts of work and we all know it. But then he's already got shit-good marks for this and it doesn't matter. So. Um. Anyway.

Stomach hurts. Ow. Um. Should. Sleep, or something. Want to write stuff. Really ought to work. Will end up reading, as always.
I'd enjoy my classes so much more (and maybe actually do the work) if they were on the aspects of science that I'm actually interested in.

I'm something of a jackdaw, I suppose, when it comes to knowledge - the "pretty shiny" method has been my primary learning mechanism for several years now, and it's fun, and I enjoy it, but it is hardly likely to get me a good degree. Especially when, as now, the things I'm interested in learning about are in entirely different faculties and I'm totally neglecting the work I'm supposed to be doing. Not that I'm learning anything else, I'm just ficcing all the time.

I was going to sit here and work, but, y'know...

am going to concert tonight and ball on thursday night. am going to work this afternoon and tomorrow evening and thursday afternoon. perhaps. well, am definitely going to ball as have bought ticket and want to wear frock. but. the rest is dubious.

I started writing Willow-fic, pre-Buffy, and then realised that I had her totally wrong and Mary-Sue-ish. So I killed that one. Have a little Wing-fic which may become something, but then again maybe not. Really ought to finish posting SE to SQ. Um. Can't think.

All my lecturers must surely now be convinced of my laziness. They really must.

I hurt. I think I pulled a muscle in my side. And I have a headache. And my back feels like it wants to crack but it won't. Am going now
I copied notes for one of the lectures I missed, wrote a short fic, wrote a side or so of A4 of the vampires, and left half an hour early.

Hey, worked for me. Of course, still have to write huge amounts of program to be handed in. And am crap at such things. Oh well. Here is fic.

josh angst )

And yes, WW and [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj are the extent of my political education.
Believe have convinced tut group and tutor that am insane. Am quite happy about this. Told about vampires in head (latest novel idea, see later). Also fic addiction, was given suggestion of making character do physics to help me do work, responded "Krycek wouldn't do physics!" (previous statement having been "technical cases don't have pretty green-eyed men"). Other guy then said something about Mr Darcy with an IR telescope, to which I responded that I don't write Pride and Prejudice fic though I have read slash of it, "but you don't know what that means, which is probably actually quite a good thing."

Read Krycek/Scully earlier. Am semi-horrified at self. Read two stories in different places, though they were both quite good. I only read the second because it turned out to have Scully fisting Krycek and I'd been looking for a girl-fisting-guy because it seems to me that it's a power trip for the top and I've seen a fair few guy-guy and one or two guy-girl so I wanted to see girl-guy and this was. Oh, and Alex is such a sub. Like, really. There was a bit I quibbled with in the first sex scene of that with a lack of stretching, but that doesn't really matter. Hmm.

Vampires. Idea was had on Monday and worked on. Did nothing yesterday due to sleeping and, oh yeah, the beautiful engagement of [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj and [livejournal.com profile] redistributer. Thought more today. Am getting clearer pictures of the last two of the six main characters. Have emotional arcs for a couple of them but don't have an actual plot. Having written plotless novel-length before, know this is far from wise. Must have plot. Really. But I've got a bit of work on my vampire mythology, which is helpful, and I've got a little on hierarchical structure etc as well.

Re: the engagement. Um. Yeah. I laughed. A lot. Then realised they were serious. And laughed more. I don't think they'll go through with it. But it would be fun if they did. Is funny story anyway. [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj should write it up and enter it for the Frank Muir Prize.

Must. Work. Have to do work for this team proposal thing by tomorrow. And meant to do work that I was supposed to do weeks/months ago. But, y'know, whatever. Will probably just sit and read slash.


Apr. 14th, 2003 11:12 pm
Up: talked briefly Char, late of our house.
Down: quantum lecture. and he kept saying how much work we should have done over the holidays.
Up: computer, fic
Down: computer, fic,
Up: computer, fic, talked briefly to Jenny
Down: left computer room
Up: talked briefly to Jill and Kirsten
Down: realised could not concentrate enough to write two lines of code for programming lab
Up: walked out
Down: struggled through Tesco
Up: talked briefly to Lindsey
Down: posh arses with mobile phones
Up: talked to [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj and [livejournal.com profile] edithmatilda
Down: arm hurt
Up: home, sugar, fic
Down: fic
Up: bunny
Down: bad bunny that will further constrain my ability to work
Up: food...
Down: arrived at chorus to find virtually nobody there at start time
Up: people showed up
Down: none of them were tenors. two tenors. one of them a girl. me.
Up: actually got bits right!
Down: got totally ignored at interval
Up: sang the Benedictus. "Osanna in excelsis!" ramble: music and performing )
Down: fellow chorus-member and classmate asked about work
Up: walked home
Down: vampires have eaten my brain. seriously. the bunny.
Up: chocolate. three bars of it.
Down: guilt associated with chocolate.

And that brings me to now. Fun, huh?
Especially [livejournal.com profile] nostalgia_lj who said, "don't worry, you can sit and work while we watch DS9," and kept putting on more episodes, and, oh, is making me write Bobslash except I just worked out how to do the Sloan thing, because for him it's more academic lust so all I need to do... you'll see, probably.

And [livejournal.com profile] redistributer for bringing over Highlander 4: Endgame and then making me miss about ten percent of Methos' dialogue. But... the voices! Are not right! And... gah, gah, gah, wanted to get slash bunnies and instead got, "I wonder what Joe and Methos were wandering around doing that they could turn up in time and have the right information and so on and so forth," and "I wonder how many kills Methos has made in 5000 years and if Kell's quickening was that big, then, hoo-boy for when Methos bites it." Oh, and the fact that him doing that made me stay up too late to get enough sleep so I had to stay up because otherwise I wouldn't be up in time for my lecture and I decided I was going to be good for the last few weeks of term. Not that I've done any of the work I was supposed to, of course, but the least I can do is make it to the lectures.

My head hurts. I need sleep. And caffeine. And chocolate. And... chocolate.
just "read through" qm notes - i.e. stared blankly at page upon page of symbols and equations. the problem is that I can't remember what the explanations mean, let alone the stuff we're supposed to be learning.


nostalgia has gone to bed, apparently, so I now have my computer back. not that I'm going to do anything with it. no, I'm going to read one fic - one! just one! and I know which one, as well! - and then I'm going to do the same for my em notes. and then... well, it's possible I'll do something like work. yeah. right.
I'm so bored...

and I just tried to print something and it may or may not have printed and it may just be taking several years and I don't want to waste my print quota by printing it twice when I was so careful to keep it to one page and... meh.

um. yeh. bored. as. hell. for some unquantifiable reason.

just had a problem-solving tut which was quite fun, as it involved four of us sitting around trying to remember how escape velocities worked, and how masses and densities and other such things coincided, and G getting up and jumping so we could work out how fast a person jumps so the escape velocity of an asteroid would be greater than that. it was fun. honest. and we got about the right answer, so that was grand.

I wonder if my thing's printed yet. It's a letter to my great-aunt who may or may not still be in hospital. My handwriting is utterly atrocious, see, and I already had a spiel about an event which I had emailed to parentals and siblings, so I cut-paste and edited and added bits in and I really hope the damn thing's printed now.

Yay! Has. Can now sit and finish it off and then go post it and then go meet person-from-primary-school-who-played-in-the-same-band-as-me-during-high-school-and-now-attends-same-uni-but-still-only-see-three-times-a-year. Which should be fun.
The fog that descended on town after a beautifully clear morning/early afternoon is entirely the fault of the Astrosoc Observing Director. Wednesdays are our regular observing sessions. He sent out an email telling us that though there have been very few as weather has been shitty, things should hopefully pick up, starting tonight. Idiot.

um. anyway. wrote a long email home and I don't think it sent, which is a bugger, and I forgot to copy it to the clipboard first. stupid me. Have to sit and copy out notes on quantum physics. And wait for my laundry to do.

gah, gah, promised I would work more and all I'm doing is reading fic. shit. so screwed.

on the other hand, now have lovely brown "suede" high-heeled knee-high boots, and a long "suede" "stone"-coloured skirt (also have T-shirt and trousers in "stone". all three are different shades of pale-golden-beige) which I got in the sale at New Look while being depressed at mediocre grade for talk. but it's not like I put much work into it. so. huh.

um. anyway. copying's probably all I'm good for atm, anyway.
Eventually got to bed around six. Missed lectures and deadline by sleeping until two and then spending an hour reading email, having nearly had panic attack after receiving email from tutor saying "you can come see me this morning". Went in. Re-did presentation - only took around an hour, thank god, since I'd written it out and sent myself the pictures by email (which was good, because the computer in the classroom couldn't actually read the CD-RW even though I'm sure it was supposed to be able to). Got that done, saved to network folder and floppy, went to room where computers were. Now, there are three computers total being used this weekend. Two were still sitting waiting to be loaded to. Guess which one wasn't there? That's right! The one I was supposed to use! So I had to wait another forty minutes or so for that to be out of use and returned to the room, then the floppy didn't work and I couldn't actually get onto the network from there (though again, was supposed to be able to) so the tech gave me a ZIP and I went back to the computer classroom to save it. Now, while I'm sitting saving, the janitor comes in to ask if I have a card to allow me to be in there after five, and I don't, and I tell him that. He says I have ten minutes, which is fine, then on the way out he says, "I'm just doing my job," offended-like. I reply, "I know," then have yet another crying fit. Unfortunately I'm not the only person in the room at the time. Oh well. Go back. Load talk from ZIP. It works. Check it. Re-check it. Leave. Go to shop, buy lots of chocolate, come home.
Plan is to eat chocolate, drink alcohol and read fic. Fuck work. I don't care.
Have now lost entire presentation. Will not open from floppy at all. This is after having reconstructed most of it, and saved that, and then getting those damn "read-only" messages when I tried to finish it (for the second time).

Have sent e-mail to tutor and person in charge of presentations. Have drink. Have saved all pictures to CD-RW (which I've just realised isn't going to work on some, if not all of the computers in the department, so I'll go e-mail them as well). Luckily, decided to write down almost all of text having lost words from a few slides. Gah. Hate Hate Hate Technology.

Did not need this stress. Simple fact of talk was stress enough. But no. Not for me. I have to have huge technological crisis the night before. Oh well. At least I'm not supposed to be giving it tomorrow.
This all happened because I got rid of my "Technology hates me" icon.

I finished the presentation. I had all the pictures, all with at least a little acknowledgement. It could have been better but it could have been a whole hell of a lot worse. I saved it to floppy.

Floppy lost half the fucker. *screams very loudly*

Am re-doing. Hate computer. 'nando, of course, hates me back.



June 2012

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