kbk | (no subject)

I am alive. I am yawwwn. Have done two 'days' of placement though today was like three hours because I had group and yesterday was only introductory but tomorrow I will be doing stuff and then I am off on the music society weekend thing - ooh, forgot to remind parentals, will email - which should be um well yes.

Placement quite cool - am at the Mitchell, most of the time - got a tour round the back rooms - omg so many books I want to live there forever - it's probably worth going on one of the public tours if you're ever around Glasgow at the right time - usually the first Tue of the month, I think, but that could be bullshit. Anyway! Coolness. Tomorrow will be at Hillhead - busiest library in Glasgow, possibly Scotland - and may well end up doing some counter work as well as stock stuff. Next week helping set up for the opening of the new section of the Mitchell - new entrance and cafe and lending section, they have these curvy shelves and stuff, it's rather cool, and my mentor is the person who is running around being organisational and working lots of overtime. And then there's my project, which is a local history thing for Partick, and I will probably ramble about that a lot once I'm started on it.

Group today, I was late because am suck and also because of snow. There was a mention of a thing and I said that I identify more as neuter than female - or, female not feminine, or something - and then I was thinking about that. Because it seemed odd, since I'm feminist and I go on about my boobs and my mooncup and all this and I have pretty dresses sometimes. But then I realised that those might be in reaction to me feeling like I'm "bad at being a woman" - that I reiterate my biological femaleness because I am not confident in my cultural femininity - that I am defiantly female - that it is not something which is natural for me but is a conscious choice on my part - that sometimes I go a bit over the top. Which is why I'm using my tits icon.

Current Mood: cold

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

edithmatilda.livejournal.com

I think there are ways and ways of thinking about having frocks and bosoms. I find frocks are a Fun Toy and do not really think of them as "feminine" because I don't feel girly in them, or something. Also with bodies defiantly being the shape of an woman is not the same as dutifully being such.

One thing I really really hate about my illness is that somehow it is easier to be a bit shite at stuff if one is a woman because hey, women are a bit fragile and pants and it's not like they have to be competent is it? I would also hate to be the male side of that, ie failing at being a proper man by having chemically different brain, but that does not mean the woman side of it is any less shite.

I was pondering that I am lucky to have gender and sexual identities that are socially accepted in relation to my body, because it is lots easier. I can wear what I like, do makeup or not as I wish, and I do not feel strongly enough "unfeminine" to feel the need to hack off my hair. That last is a weird one, as I have read women talking about how the extra effort of long hair is worth it to be feminine and lovely, whereas to me the point of it is that it draws attention away from my face, stays where it's put and requires no styling at all. Shorter hair in my case would need more preening and be more consciously a style, my hair being of the type that Just Sits There. I have had shortish hair and it annoyed me. But then the urge to hide behind my hair is probably some sort of socialised female thing anyway. Bah. Also, the Hippy Hair thing complicates stuff: cutting off my hair is somewhere in my mind equated with Selling Out to The Man, and that has nothing to do with my gender because it'd be much the same were I Yosef.

Did interweb quiz t'other day which tells me I am precisely exactly androgynous. That sort of made sense in some ways although I do know I am socialised as more feminine than that. But then a lot of those aspects - the fuzzy caring-sharing bollocks and so forth - are things I feel quite lucky to have defaulted into my Gender Stereotype. And even with the crap bits it is possibly easier to unlearn being a doormat than it is to unlearn being stupidly stiff-upper-lip.

I do the TMI thing re: periods etc because I find the idea of pretending that my body is in some way not to be talked about pretty annoying. Just because something that affects my life is common to nearly half of humans rather than all of them does not somehow make it shameful any more than having, say, greasy hair or short sight is shameful because some people don't. Not everyone wants to talk about it but they damn well should be able to if they want. Also my PMS is a real crappy thing that is no less real because it is caused by my ladyhormones. I think of it in not dissimilar terms to my depression: something my body chemistry does that affects how I feel physically and emotionally. I don't think finding it rubbish means I am a traitor to wombynkind or anything but equally I'm not going to understate it because it is a Silly Woman Thing. I save most of my rant for people who do the "ho ho that time of the month" thing or claim that women are less productive workers because they all have cramps and moods and anyway they'll all leave to have babies. In fact I mainly get uptight at the whole assumption that all women are as one woman and require no individual comprehension as separate humans.

I am a feminist for the same reason that I object to racism and homophobia: because a group of people is being crapped on by another group of people and by an accumulation of cultural shite and that is a Bad Thing. I get ranty also when people do the feminist=hairy manhater assumption and somehow expect me to modify my use of the term because of their fucktarded interpretation thereof. I do not just use the term "humanist" and assume it to cover all these other things because it doesn't cover their individual complexities. I get really cross when people say I'm Not A Feminist I'm A Humanist in a tone clearly meant to imply that I myself am being one-sided and wrong.

From:

edithmatilda.livejournal.com

(cont.)

I am not sure why I am uncomfortable around very girly women. Part of it is years of mockery for failing to be as good at Girlness as they are but there's also that aspect of knowing that a very conventional very feminine woman has a whole big set of priorities re: makeup and Cosmo and shoes that I don't just Not Get but actively object to, and also that there's a fair chance she'd find me po-faced and joyless for that. Women who expect me to apologise for my feminism are really really scary. Also often they seem to cluster in All-Girl groups talking about men, and when in mixed groups to behave noticeably differently, and I find that deeply warped, as though I were consciously to change my personality depending on the ethnicity or class of the people in a group.

So mainly I feel like me, and I don't think having breasts(ish) or choosing to wear or not to wear dresses should have anything like the effect it does on the way I am perceived. I would like my gender to be a bit more important than my hair colour but a lot less important than my politics. I am probably in huge denial in believing it is one difference among many, but that is how I experience the world and dammit nobody else can tell me what my gender is. And they sure as hell can't try to tell me that it requires anything of me. I may feel pressured to shave my legs, I may even be socialised to see my leg hair as ugly, but that is not the same as being obliged to shave them by virtue of no Y chromosome. I can do what the hell I want to my body and my appearance and still nobody has the right to claim I'm anything I don't say I am. And yes my gender is a giant part of how I have grown up and experienced the world but that doesn't give it privilege over other environmental factors merely because people associate it with body shape and therefore a more intrinsic part of What I Am.

So yes. I do not feel hugely feminine, I do feel female, but I quite strongly feel that what I choose to do beyond that is entirely my business. Boo sucks to our Evil Binary Society oh yes.

From:

kbk

I am not thinky enough to respond to much as yet - more tomorrow, probly - but that last: oh god yes. I was reading a book in a pub - maybe I told you about this? - and got told "I'm not a feminist, I'm an egalitarian." Agh. The problem there, of course, is that the most visible form of feminism is the radical feminism of Dworkin, Greer etc and, as you say, hairy manhaters. And then the part is seen as the whole and blah blah

*koff* *yawn*

*clings to the Miriam because she is a wondrous human being*

Ooh, I'll have to find the right bit of the book again - The Ann Oakley Reader - she talks at one point about how women are perceived by the medical profession, etc. Very much like your "a bit fragile and pants and it's not like they have to be competent is it?" I will let you know. She seems quite good in that she has a pragmatic view of things. This is why I shouldn't be allowed on the second floor of the library, though, because I pick up things like that which are not my area. But I like it.

*hugseses*

From:

quasi-modo.livejournal.com

Yay glad to see you back and not just because of that icon ;+)

I thin k I get what you mean about feeling female but not so much feminine, I similarly am without doubt male but I don't feel like "A MAN" in the way I came to see men while growing up. I don't really compensate though. I get quite annoyed with the cultural stereo type because I am quite far from the unthinking sex obsessed football fan with personal hygiene problems or in fact most other cultural stereo types. I just try to find my own way although I do feel hopelessly inadequate from time to time

I hope you keep enjoying your placement

From:

kbk

:P

It's one of those things that seems to get more complicated the more you think about it; but maybe acknowledging that complication is as valid an end product as a simple answer would be. *shrug*

From:

safetypinrosie.livejournal.com

A few months ago I went to a family reunion (paternal side), where I met my grandad's brother Ron, whom I had not seen since I was 15. Now being a member of the guild of master builders and having worked in the construction industry all his life he was delighted to discover I'd since done a Degree in Architecture (and susbsequently had relevant jobs), plonked himself in the seat next to mine and spent the entire meal chatting in a very animated manner to me. He took me completely seriously, there was no "oh but it must be hard being female in such a traditionally male industry". It was the most interesting/engaging work-related conversation I've ever had, and apparently he told my grandad how much he'd enjoyed talking to me afterwards. This is a man of 80-odd years who, unlike many younger men I've had similar conversations with, didn't act like my gender was or should be a relevant issue in this instance at all. I honestly can't describe to you how refreshing a change that was.

As for the boobs, if I had ones as glorious yours I'd photograph them/get them out/display a large percentage of them a lot more often.

From:

kbk

That is very very cool. It's so nice when people surprise you like that.

From:

khalinche.livejournal.com

I realised that those might be in reaction to me feeling like I'm "bad at being a woman" - that I reiterate my biological femaleness because I am not confident in my cultural femininity - that I am defiantly female - that it is not something which is natural for me but is a conscious choice on my part - that sometimes I go a bit over the top

That's very well explained, and I can relate to it. I sort of do the same thing with dressing feminine, ie I put a lot of thought into it because my natural way of dressing is old jeans and a big jumper. I've got to dash but I wanted to say I sometimes think the same of myself.

From:

kbk

*clings*

I was worried that I was just babbling, so, yay. And jeans + jumper is a perfectly reasonable way to dress. Actually - sorry, you're gonna get this one out of random - at the introduction day for my course, back in September, I remember noticing that the women - who turned out to be mostly secretaries - were in suit jackets etc while the men - professors / lecturers - were more casual, in T-shirts or jumpers. That is to say, become a professor and you can dress naturally!

From:

khalinche.livejournal.com

Yeah, the lower own the food chain you are in any job the more you have to worry about how you dress. I remember when I was living with Colin after graduating - I was earning 4.92 an hour in a Primark-style clothes shop, he was earning, well, a lot more - and I had to dress smartly, no short sleeves, no t-shirts etc while he just went to work in any old thing.