(no subject)

[kbk]

Fuck.

I have piles of things that I have to sort out. I've done fuckall all day.

And now there's this message in my inbox telling me that there are lots of teacher-in-the-community places going. But. oh god. I could but I can't but I could but I can't.

Suddenly I feel like I have this choice. Like I'm at a fork in the road. I can go for one of these places, and probably get it, because I have the relevant experience and history with the organisation. Or I can stay here and join the psychotherapy group for at least a year and maybe sort my head out.

And I want, I want, I want to be sane. I do.

On the one hand, it's Renfrew and living here versus exotic-locale and feeling useful. But on the other hand, it's potentially sorting out my head and thus being able to become an adult who lives like a regular human being versus a half-assed gap-year-type-thing which is something I've already done and will only put me further in debt.

And oh, crap, paternal just came in and I agreed to go on a walk with him tomorrow, so I should sleep very soon. But he didn't notice that I'm tearful because my hair now covers my eyes. Score.

God, I don't know what to do. I don't. Because there's everything that made me debate doing it the first time and it's just all so much worse now and I don't know what to do.

So I'll sleep on it. Maybe flip a coin if I haven't decided by, say, Sunday. Because as soon as the coin's in the air, you know which way you want it to come down, don't you?

Comments

[edithmatilda.livejournal.com]

Hiding is legitimate if you need to do it and that is all there is to it. Thus I have ordained it.

You do not need to get anywhere if the thing itself is good. Really.

[kbk]

The thing itself is unfortunately complicated. And at the moment, I seem to be thinking of the bad parts - the number of people that are involved, the stresses of living with strangers, especially in a country where I don't know the language, even the lack of internet... ack. sigh. I'll let it percolate a little longer.

[edithmatilda.livejournal.com]

Those are proper considerations, yes, which is why the others are unnecessary complications to a thing already quite hard to decide. Your brain should not explode for that would be bad.