(no subject)
Oct. 4th, 2008 01:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kbkI haven't seen an actual person in over two days. Paternal has talked through the door a couple of times. I let him down on Thursday. Tonight they were going out to dinner and I refused.
I'm on another downward swing, I guess. I've been making plans to do things, should've known they'd get fucked.
in one way even I don't understand what goes on inside my head
but it's really so fucking simple
telling myself these things, again and again until I believe them
but I don't want to believe them,
((useless worthless stupid fucked-up failure))
so I spend all my time arguing inside my head
until there isn't anything else left
nothing created in here anymore but nightmares
just trundling along, the same old songs
knit one tbl, purl one, knit one, purl one tbl
ruts of teenage angst carved ever deeper into my brain
lines of teenage drama still carved into my skin
when I haven't been a teenager for years
I've left so much behind
so many people, so many places
when I've hardly been anywhere, hardly seen anyone
and I don't understand why I can't
leave all this crap behind as well.
if i wasn't so numb i'd be screaming
Getting it out helps, maybe; maybe just the tears; maybe I really need to try to sleep, though I've been sleeping too much, but if I can get up tomorrow, shower, go to the shop... monday the doctor, thursday the dentist...
maybe
I'm on another downward swing, I guess. I've been making plans to do things, should've known they'd get fucked.
in one way even I don't understand what goes on inside my head
but it's really so fucking simple
telling myself these things, again and again until I believe them
but I don't want to believe them,
((useless worthless stupid fucked-up failure))
so I spend all my time arguing inside my head
until there isn't anything else left
nothing created in here anymore but nightmares
just trundling along, the same old songs
knit one tbl, purl one, knit one, purl one tbl
ruts of teenage angst carved ever deeper into my brain
lines of teenage drama still carved into my skin
when I haven't been a teenager for years
I've left so much behind
so many people, so many places
when I've hardly been anywhere, hardly seen anyone
and I don't understand why I can't
leave all this crap behind as well.
if i wasn't so numb i'd be screaming
Getting it out helps, maybe; maybe just the tears; maybe I really need to try to sleep, though I've been sleeping too much, but if I can get up tomorrow, shower, go to the shop... monday the doctor, thursday the dentist...
maybe
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
itteh bitteh kitteh rescue committee
Date: 2008-10-04 09:02 am (UTC)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZSbC09qgLI&eurl=http://mfrost.typepad.com/cute_overload/kittens/index.html
Yes...He's furry.
no subject
Date: 2008-10-04 09:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-10-05 01:02 am (UTC)One thing a day isn't too bad if you can hide before and after, somehow getting out cheers me up some times