kbk

A guy I knew a while back suggested I have Asperger's, and I looked it up and asked my GP and while I can see why he might have thought that, we decided it was probably bull.

Today, stepmother brought home a sheaf of information that she'd printed off from the National Autistic Society. Um.

Apparently they have really good support and if I am then it would be a permanent diagnosis and blah blah blah...

It's just... I'm really pretty sure I'm not. Some of the symptoms sound like me but not enough and not sufficiently so for me to self-diagnose. And if I was, it would be nice to have a diagnosis, and I've even thought it would be nice to have something more concrete to point to than generic depression, but... still.

I was bored, so I tried to sleep, and I started thinking Bad Thoughts because I was worrying about benefits and then I was thinking about breaking things and preferably myself and wound up pretty close to screaming and now I am back online attempting to distract myself and not be bored and not go near sharp and/or hot things for a while.

blah blah blah stuff

Wednesday I managed to miss the bus and have to walk home after jewellery class, that was fun, and there was a whole mental conversation which basically put the parentals in a lose-lose situation, so it was probably a good thing they were in bed by the time I got back.

Saturday and Sunday did stuff at the flat, papering walls mostly (this is annoying because it's really a one-and-a-half-person job, at least the way dad does it, and I end up being the half-person and I still manage to do things wrong).

Also on Saturday had great-aunt-ish over (there's a half-relation in there somewhere, but I'm not sure if it's her generation or the one before) because it was her birthday last week (and I don't know how old she is - eighty-some, I think) and there was talking and ugh.

Monday was supposed to go to the flat again. Stayed in bed instead, did not even get up for tea. Nearly waited to eat until they had gone to bed, but I had to wash anyway so I had a shower and when encountered stepmother just went blank, and she didn't try to talk to me, so that was OK.

Tuesday, saw the psycho again, he totally thinks I have daddy issues. And I was saying how I prefer logic to emotion and I don't like talking or even thinking about emotional issues and he said, "this must be very hard for you then," as if it was some kind of revelation and not something I'd told him at least three times already.

And I went to the shop and got an air mattress and a duvet so I can now sleep at the flat if I so choose. I mean, there's not much else I can do there, but sleep is always good.

Also also I went to the flat and I was wet because of rain so I put my jeans on the radiator (hooray for working heating!) and did some paint stripping in knickers & boots, and managed to hit my knee with the hot-air gun, so I have an interestingly shaped burn.

I am returned in my haus after long time on buses. I am eating ice-cream. Mmm, ice-cream.

While at Miriam's, I:
slept a lot
watched snooker
watched other tv
played with clay
ditto paint
read a bit
knitted a bit
petted the cat.

I think that is a perfectly respectable list of activities.

I thought I had lost my camera, having gone round the room looking in and under things, but I picked up one more thing and there it was. Huzzah.

I have this bad habit, you see, of putting things in visible places and then putting other things on top of them, or knocking them over, or suchlike. Occasionally I put things in 'safe places' - this is a family joke, because my mother used to do that, and then forget where exactly said place was, and we once got christmas presents in, um, April? Or I toss things down at random. Or I put a bunch of unrelated things in a bag, usually to take them downstairs or bring them back, and then I leave them there, and when I look in said bag I'll only see what's on top and assume that's what that bag is for. So. My life would be easier if I was tidier. Or had less stuff. Or had more storage. (I can't wait to be in my flat.)

Also, having worn my copper ring for no more than two hours, my thumb has a greenish tinge to it. Yay.

I just stayed up most of the night watching "The Mentalist" on Demand Five (which I very nearly typed as Damned Five). This is because I am planning on going to an intimidating shop tomorrow. I mean today.

Anyway. Show is rather clever and reasonably low on moments that make me cringe with embarrassment. Also I was sure I recognised the lead female so I looked her up on imdb and she was one of the girls in The Craft. I am not saying it is OhGodMustWatch but it is enjoyable and all four eps so far are currently available free. So.

"If I tell you how [the trick]'s done, the Magic Circle will send a team of assassins to kill us all. It's the law."

Today I spent over five hours at the flat, painting on goo and stripping off wallpaper and painting on primer and stripping off goo-ed stuff. I am really freaking sore now so I am running myself a bath.

As far as I know parentals are back tomorrow, so I have been tidying some more - I did actually do some tidying earlier on, so there was not a whole lot. And I emptied the tumble-dryer yesterday. But on the way home, about half-way from the bus-stop, I paused, because I had the sudden thought that they might be back, and if they were I didn't want to come back. That's not what home is. Sigh.

I was going to say the only thing I will miss is the cats. But I won't miss the yowling and the puking and the fighting and the pissing and the occasional dead animals. So I won't miss much at all, really.

I know the flat is basically all I'm talking about right now but it's most of what I'm doing right now, so.

Yay, bathtime. My shoulders will thank me.

Am mildly dead.

Finally went to the flat today, spent about three hours taking off cork tiles - some of them came off remarkably easily, which meant I didn't get terribly frustrated. I did however skin about half my knuckles. Heh. Also the man returned our ladders so I can strip the wallpaper up high in the bathroom.

Also I went to B&Q on my own on the way home. It is a little inconvenient and a little intimidating but it is really nice to be able to wander as I wish instead of following dad around (he always spends ages in the wrong aisles, dammit). And I bought green paint for the broken doorframe that has been like an advertisement that the front door was once kicked in. And I picked up a bunch of the sample cards to look at colours for the walls. I'm still considering. Oh, but I definitely need white gloss for the woodwork which is nasty and yellowed. La-la-la... I should dig out the rug to check colours. Yes.

Still lots of cleaning to do, a bit more stripping, some papering, then a bunch of painting. Then furnishing. Ah, hell, the hard shit's done.

Someone is selling a haunted lamp on ebay. It's a really ugly lamp, as well. Oh, and the same person is selling a haunted doll.

( for posterity )

Also, someone wrote a guide to buying haunted items. I don't want to believe it's for serious.

Oh, hey! Instructions for setting up a sideshow with a 'mummified hand'!

My god. People are actually this gullible. I mean, I have no room to talk, I've paid out on the odd internet scam, but, still. Really? I mean. Really?

Here is a feel-good story about an elephant with an artificial leg.

That is all.