(no subject)

[kbk]

I got up earlier because I felt a bit sick but then I curled up in bed again and it was nice.

And now I have been pulled out of bed by a realisation of one of my issues.

I don't want to leave St A's.

Ask me, I'll say, "of course I want out!" But that's lies. Or, um, wrong, anyway, because I've lievd here for years and I know how everything works and it's just comfortable. So I'm fucking things up so I have to repeat. But I'm not gonna repeat. I'm gonna leave any which way I can.

And whatever I do will not be comfortable, it will be new and scary, so why don't I bugger off to the ends of the earth?

Comments

[tdarien-shields.livejournal.com]

St. Andrews is one of the ends of the earth...

But d'you mean leave the uni, or the town? I think you could manage to live in St Andrews without too much difficulty... as for the Uni, well, you may stay there forever, but your friends might not. What you want not to leave might not be a place, but a time, and time marches on regardless of where you are. Do you know what I mean?

Well, anyway, I'm just fielding until someone more experienced figures out what to say to cheer you up.

[kbk]

Heh.

In some ways, I can't see being in the town and not the uni. And I know what you mean, and thanks, and stuff.

[(Anonymous)]

Of course it'll be new and scary. That's the way life is supposed to be. If you get too settled into being comfortable, you're starting the road to the morgue.

You'll move on, fit in, and enjoy something new. You are more than capable of that.

[kbk]

meep

I don't feel capable, though, which is partly the habitual self-denigration and partly actual fear and partly the fact that I can't seem to make myself study and. um.

Who are you, by the way? Not that I mind, just curious.

[(Anonymous)]

Look, you've done it before, more than once. It wouldn't be an interesting experience if we thought we could all cope with it completely. There is always the unexpected, and that is what makes life the joy that it is. Or the horribly painful experience. Either way, that's why we do it.

As for me, well, you'd rather not know, I suspect. Someone from high school. I'm happy to continue with these anonymous comments at random times. However, if you really want to know, I'll tell. Just remember that truth and happiness tend to be mutually exclusive.

[kbk]

See, now I'm terrifically curious, but I'm not going to ask.

Ack. Still scary. But I'm gonna do it.

[(Anonymous)]

If you want to know: http://solitude.vkps.co.uk/About/

I know the link probably peaks curiosity, but it is your choice whether to follow it or not.